Too Tired to Cry

My Stepfather has trouble getting off the toilet. I installed sturdy handrails, but obviously this isn't going to be enough. I just went into his bathroom to clean and found that during his last visit in there he apparently ripped the toilet seat right off the toilet. It's 5pm on Sunday and there is nothing I can do about it. He'll have to wear diapers for the rest of the day.

This is just so exhausting.

He can no longer do anything for himself. I wake him each morning by sitting on his bed and gently washing his eyes with saline solution. He was so heavy handed when he washed his own face he scratched his cornea. He can only see clearly out of his left eye due to a diabetic vitreous hemmorage in his right that his eyes must be protected. He cannot shave himself anymore because even with the electric razor he pressed so hard he seriously broke blood vessels on the side of his face. He must use baby wipes in place of toilet paper because he cleans himself so poorly. He cannot stand to dress himself anymore. He cannot file or clip his nails. He has what is called "old man drip" which is when mucus just runs out his nose all day long. He must be reminded constantly that he needs to wipe his nose. He has hearing aids but can't wear them because his skin is so sensitive he gets broken sores inside his ear, so I must shout to get him to hear me. He has an awful skin condition that results in his scalp crusting so bad that medication must be used every time I comb his hair. I must use a cream that costs $60 a tube just to control the dandruff he gets on his eyebrows! He can't go to a barber anymore because he refuses to go into a wheelchair and he can't walk in the shops with his walker. So I now cut his hair (I've actually gotten quite good at it...)

I just discontinued the home health aide who came once a week to give him a shower. It was costing $150 per month and we can no longer afford that. He is in Adult Day Care 3 days a week from 9am-3pm. I can't find a job just Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9:30am - 2:30pm (I'm allowing for travel time) so we are just broke. Besides, the respite I get from the day care just about covers the housecleaning, grocery shopping, banking and medication refilling time that these chores require.

I need a day off so bad I could just scream.